When families don’t get it

Used with permission from Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE)

Nanny Jo’s Perspective: When family members don’t get it

Used with permission from Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE)

We are delighted to feature Jo Frost, best known for her television show “Supernanny,” in this special holiday-themed question-and-answer column. Jo, who is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts and shellfish, has recently spoken publicly about her food allergies and is eager to raise awareness about food allergies as a serious public health issue. She took the time to provide some advice about an issue many food allergy families grapple with during the holidays – how to handle family get-togethers, where food is a focus, when other family members just don’t get it.

Q. How do I handle skeptical relatives who don’t understand the severity of food allergies?

A. It is not a matter of being skeptical, it is a matter of being educated. This medical condition is not a myth, it is a fact. The more you can educate your family, through literature and books, videos and trusted online resources, the more you end up changing a person’s belief system. A lack of empathy has no room in an environment of a person who has an allergic condition. The severity of this condition can be fatal! Unfortunately you cannot change the way someone chooses to behave, you can only choose to change how you respond to their apathetic behavior. This is done through enlightening them with more education, and then we hope that this will change how they see things.

Q. How do I get family members to cooperate and accommodate life-threatening food allergies when it comes to family gatherings such as dinners?

A. I think it really is quite simple. The family needs to recognise that if there is to be a joint meal shared by family members, then they must be cautious with what they cook, or they can cook something separate for the allergic person. It is important for the person who is preparing the meal to let everybody know what is in the food. Alternatively, you can give them safe recipes or offer to cook the safe meal and bring it over. The final alternative is to kindly let them know that you would be regretful to miss one of these family occasions, as this is a life-threatening situation.

Q. I have been very tactful in the past with relatives who tease my son about his food allergies, but they continue to make light of it. Please give me some advice on how to make it stop.

A. It stops when you make it very clear to your family members that you will have zero tolerance to the verbal bullying and teasing of your child who has an allergy. It is incredibly important to let them know how it makes you and your child feel, and that with this continued behavior, it only threatens and damages the relationship you have with them moving forward. It is not okay by any means or measure, and they need to know that it is a form of bullying in a different context. What you do expect from them is support and encouragement. Put a boundary in place and let them know that if the behavior continues, it will force you to decide whether to be in their company and presence at all.

Q. How can I give my kids coping skills and teach them to speak up for themselves when it comes to their food allergies?

A. I believe you help your children cope with their allergies every day when you teach them the importance of being able to present, without apology, the allergies they have to whomever is necessary and when need be. I do feel to some extent that adults and children can be made to feel that they need to apologise for such inconvenience; which doesn’t help the child with the allergy to be more forthcoming with their medical condition.

Give your kids the facts. With respect to food, teach them to give other people the facts. As a rule of thumb, it should be the first information you exchange in a restaurant, at someone’s house, or simply on a play date. Teach them to always feel okay with asking whether food is safe for them to eat. Teach them to have the facts before they eat (if they’re not sure, then they shouldn’t eat the food). Teach them to respectfully say thank you, but no thank you. As they get older, teach them to read ingredient labels, and to be observant. All of the above is taught through repetition and practice. Role-play with your kids so that you can set different scenarios at hand, and in real life they will be practiced to do the same. Jo’s new television show focusing on families will soon be premiering on TLC